Tuesday July 17th 2018

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6 common questions people ask addicts in recovery

Get Ready For the Good … and the Bad

The road to recovery with any addiction is never a leisurely drive in the country; it’s a long-haul, full of:

  • Ups
  • Downs
  • Potholes
  • Thankfully…rest stops

During the journey, it’s important to ‘find your voice’ in talking about addiction recovery. While meaningful conversations with mentors, friends, and family can be invaluable, be prepared to get some or all of these questions to make your way into conversations about your recovery.

QUESTION 1: “Don’t you find sobriety boring?”

It’s going to be difficult for some to understand your new lifestyle, but don’t let it phase you. It’s a great opportunity to share hard-earned wisdom – that the most happiness can be found when you’re not dependent on any external substance.
Holly Glenn Whittaker put it best on her Hip Sobriety blog post, “Prior to October 2012, if you had asked me to describe what I imagined sobriety looked like, I would have said something that sounded like a fart noise while I pointed two thumbs down…What I have discovered on this side of the bar scene is the exact opposite. My life without alcohol is where my actual living began.”

QUESTION 2: “What drugs did you do? …and for how long?”

This one can come from good friends engaging a conversation to show support or it could be a ploy to get fodder for gossip. Reply only when you feel comfortable or trust the individual you’re talking with.

QUESTION 3: “What made you start using drugs?”

It is unbelievable people ask this, but they sometimes do. Deflect by joking, “Oh am I paying you for therapy now? Where’s the couch?” or explain that addicts can have a normal childhood. Sometimes the answer can be as simple as, “I liked being high.”

QUESTION 4: “I’ve tried [your vice] too. It’s about self-control.”

This comes from someone who really doesn’t get it and it’s hard to find a civil response. It’s true; some people can drink, gamble or use narcotics without becoming hooked but studies now show that the virtue of ‘self-control’ may really be a myth when it comes to serious addictions.

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QUESTION 5: “You don’t look like an addict?”

This can rub you the wrong way the same way as, “Oh you just fell in with a bad crowd” or “Your girlfriend/boyfriend was the bad influence.” It is meant as a compliment, a way for family and friends to take away the responsibility or stigma of “addict”, but it’s still putting down addicts. You can reply in one of many ways. If you’re interested in advocacy, explain that addiction affects one in 3 American families, and that addicts come from all backgrounds. Check out more facts and statistics by visiting Facing Addiction, a non-profit committed to advocacy for access to treatment.

QUESTION/COMMENT 6: “I’m so glad that I don’t have a problem.”

If this doesn’t get a hard eye roll, I don’t know what will. There are probably a lot of unkind things you can reply to the clueless person who tells you this, but it’s probably simplest to say, “I’m glad you don’t either.”

Whether people have good or bad intentions, using humor can be the best way to deflect and distract. Share some of your best replies below!

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6 Responses to “6 common questions people ask addicts in recovery
Zachary
3:23 pm March 14th, 2017

Hello, these are surely questions an addict would have to go through.

As you stated rightly so, that these questions can be deflected through humor. I must say that these questions should be dealt with cool mind and not taken too seriously.

Regards
Zachary

SLO
11:55 pm March 16th, 2017

Thanks Tyler Jacobson for sharing this article publicly. Rehab Centers, Consultants and so many options are very helpful for recovery. But self control is must, it is better to be aware always.

Matt
7:10 am August 14th, 2017

Shouldn’t we all be so lucky

Deepu
10:21 am February 28th, 2018

Time table patience working on first steps avoid using partner we touch with recovering person sharing

Amy
11:56 am June 29th, 2018

I’m sure I might be in the wrong place asking but I’m just a girl who feels alone . I never dated an addict before I don’t drink or do drugs my boyfriend of a year was an addict I didn’t know he was very loving we even planned on getting married . If we ever fought he did whatever it took to fix things .
When I realized his problem I told him he had to get help or I was out .

His boss also realized he had a problem and his boss was his best friend . So away to rehab he went . He begged me to wait for him . We are normal 37 and 39 attractive have good jobs .

He got out of rehab before this I went to counseling he cried apologized and promised a new life .

He got out of rehab slowly disappeared and relapsed worse then ever in his life almost died ended up in jail lost his truck his job became homeless in 2 weeks and stopped talking to me . I was in shock . He called me one Day I begged him to go back to rehab before he died he went back .

I was so mad I ignored his calls and letters first few weeks . I finally went to see him . This time he told me not to wait him I was confused . I loved him I wanted him to get better . This time he stayed 4 months .

He told me he loved me the same but he had to focus on himself .

We kept in touch in phone calls he told me he didn’t want to let me go but I was confused in what he wanted so I told him I would give him the space to get better and I still felt he was my soul mate . When he was in a better place to contact me . I didn’t hear from him for months .

Then a week before he got out I got a cold apology letter and it said were on two seperate paths he wished me the best . With no explanations after all we went through he just left me ,????

Does this make any sense ? I’m lost and alone no one has answers .

Lydia @ Addiction Blog
11:35 am July 12th, 2018

Hi Amy. One of the principles of addiction recovery is to focus on yourself, not the relationships you’ve got but only on yourself. You may consider doing the same think: focus on yourself.

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About Tyler Jacobson

Tyler is a freelance writer/journalist, with past experience as the head content writer and outreach coordinator for HelpYourTeenNow. His areas of focus include: parenting, education, social media, addiction, and issues facing teenagers today.

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